i didn't want to see this

Normally, I'm thrilled to see this. This year, however, I didn't want to see it. I wanted to be in the southern hemisphere, trying out my preschool level Spanish and barely remembering what the New York winter feels like. 

When I saw these cute little crocuses popping up in front of our house the other day, instead of reminding me that spring is coming, it just reminded me of the state we're in right now -- the state of waiting. 

Waiting to see how quickly Dr. Keith's leg will heal so he can run things at the office. Waiting to find out how expensive it's going to be to push back our plane tickets again. Waiting to see if the chiropractor in Peru can work out her immigration issues in order to stay longer (she can). Waiting to know how long we're going to be waiting.

I wish I could say I'm able to cherish these simple joys of life even in the waiting stage. But right now I'm indulging myself in just a little bit of pouting and self-pity. I. Don't. Want. To. Wait.

Fortunately (for everyone who has to be around me), it can't last long. Those crocuses are getting brighter and more cheerful every day. And spring doesn't care if I'm waiting or not, pouty or cheerful, here or there. So give me a couple days, and the joy of spring will win me over. I'll snap out of it. I'll accept this stage of waiting. And I'll begin to celebrate the many blessings in my life right now -- like more time with family and friends, like a more relaxed schedule than I've had in years, like the chance to travel and visit people I love, like the steady love from my husband no matter the unsteadiness around us, like the joy of spring busting through the cold, brown ground...

I'm feeling better already.