A Loss For Words

I have a problem.

I’m a professional copywriter. People pay me to find just the right words to get their message across. Yet here I am at a loss for words to describe my own life. Of the million-plus words in the English language, there’s got to be one that describes how I feel about our adoption. But every word I try doesn’t fit quite right.

Glad.
I can’t exactly say I’m glad we adopted four teenagers. It’s way too hard to be glad about it.

Regretful.
I definitely don’t regret it. It’s hard to regret something you believe God is happy about.

Depressed.
Sometimes. After the tornado of the first few months passed, David and I began grieving our former carefree life.

Hopeful.
I see the kids learning and growing, and that gives me hope. Stephanie memorizing her lines (in English!) for a play with the theater camp she is doing this summer. Ivone offering an unsolicited, sincere apology. Joseph overcoming his fears and calling a classmate to invite him over to the house. Alfredo surrounded by his new extended family for his 15th birthday. It’s been almost a year since the kids became “ours,” and we have all come a long way. There is a lot to be hopeful about. If I can look past the brawl over the last avocado and the hormonal teenage outbursts.

Tired. 
That works, but it’s such an obvious thing to say. Every parent on the planet is tired.

Fulfilled. 
Oddly, I don’t feel that way. If I look at our life from the outside, it’s easy to see the fulfilling, meaningful, higher purpose of it all. But I don’t get to look at our life from the outside because I’m living it on the inside. Ironically, it felt more fulfilling to go once a week to the orphanage when were living in Peru. We always went, even when we didn’t feel like it. We took 25 kids to the park. We played soccer and painted nails. We got 25 hugs. We were blissfully ignorant and not responsible. And then we went home. High five. Good deed done for the week. Minimal effort, maximum reward. But now… this 24/7 thing. That effort:reward ratio is completely flipped, and it really does not feel fulfilling. Good thing I know better than to judge things based on feelings. (Right...?)  

Accepting.  
Accepting might be the best word I can come up with. Before the kids came, we got some advice from another family who had adopted four sisters from Columbia. One of the things the father told us went something like this:

“God has ordained you be parents to these kids. Never forget that.”

This isn’t about whether or not we believe God ordained us to adopt these kids in the first place (that’s another conversation, too deep for this blog). It’s about now that they are here. Now, in God's eyes, it’s our job to be their parents. I can accept that. For better or worse, sweet and sour, happy or sad, hate me or tolerate me ... I'm your parent now.

Challenge accepted.

---

Geeze, my first blog post in six months, and it’s kind of a downer. Sorry. Let’s move on to the fun, happy photos we all really want to see.

The boys are ALL about soccer. They tell us about their goals on the actual field and on Xbox with the same level of enthusiasm.

Almost all about soccer. A gym teacher recruited Alfredo to play tennis this year, and he caught on quick. He won more matches than anyone else on the team, and they awarded him most improved player.

We moved SOUTH in January and arrived in Durham, NC, just in time for their snowiest winter in 50 years.

This one's for you, Mom. See that bowl on the chair? Stephanie wanted to make snow ice cream like you taught her. But even the snowiest winter in 50 years down here doesn't produce enough for snow ice cream. (Notice what's in the bowl.)

Amazing what an extra half hour of screen time will get kids to do... 

Neighbors selling a chicken coop? We'll take it! We just have to take their fence apart...

...and roll the thing a quarter mile through our new neighborhood. Rumor has it a photo like this ended up on the community Facebook page. What a way to make our entrance known.

It made it to our backyard. And there it's sat, chickenless, for 5 months while we wait for our permit from the city. The kids are glad for the delay since they aren't excited about helping clean the coop poop.

FABULOUS Spring Break trip to Florida to visit Tia (Aunt) Michelle and hang out on the beach.

 

We wanted to live near family so the kids know it's not just David and I they got for life, but a whole big extended family. Happy birthday Grandpa!

 

Ivone made a traditional dish from Arequipa. So good!

We also wanted to live near family so we'd have someone to watch the kids so we can escape once in a while. Thanks to Mom and Dad and an overnight church summer camp, we had three glorious days in the Smokey Mountains last week.

When we say "near family," I really mean NEAR family. This is our casa. It's next door to David's parents. And a few blocks from David's sister. And aunt. And grandma. We're taking over the hood!

Fun to see the kids start to make friends.

Stephanie did a three-week theater camp that culminated in a delightful play. I'm not just saying delightful. It really was! We're so proud of Stephanie for being brave and trying something new, and for learning all her lines -- in English!

The actress and her proud little brother.

Sometimes they act like they hate him. But they really adore him.

Ivone doesn't like to smile for pictures. She hates this photo. I adore it.

Duke gardens: we'll bring you here if you come visit us.